A life worth living
by BritishAlien
Summary: The 11th Doctor's life is coming to an end and its time to start a new adventure for our 12th Doctor. A regeneration story. Structured around the final scene of 'The Time of the Doctor'- so major spoilers for it. I hope you enjoy. xxx


SPOILERS FOR THE TIME OF THE DOCTOR REGENERATION

-x-x-x-

The shell of Christmas lay on a hilltop of Trenzalore. Most of the buildings still stood; defiant against the force that had swept through only minutes earlier. Clara walked through the ghostly mixture of clouds and falling snow as she made her way towards the TARDIS. The battle was done and the Doctor had been triumphant. The creatures that had attacked Christmas were no more. The small town could be left in peace to mourn and to grieve and to rebuild. Clara reached the door of the TARDIS only to find that the phone was hanging out of its box, like somebody had tried to call for help in the siege. It was too late now. No more help was coming.

She looked back at the small town with its broken tower and its ransacked houses. Its people were wandering aimlessly around the streets that were covered in snow and ash, taking in what had become of their home. It wold never be the same. The Doctor and Clara had seen it in the future. A mountain of graves would stand around this area, in honour of those who had fallen.

In time this place would become nothing more than a memory. Something that only sprang to mind out of a sense of necessity. Clara didn't want to let this adventure on Trenzalore become a memory. She would not allow it. It needed to stand out. It was powerful and she wanted it to be as potent as the real experience whenever she had a chance to reflect for those who could not. Trenzalore was a turning point for her in that it had showed her the power the Doctor had. She had seen him reduce an army to a band of gibbering idiots with just a glance, but this adventure had shown how he could tame himself to save others. He had become the master of his own curiosity and his own insatiable ability to keep on running. He had overcome his demons whilst on Trenzalore and could just…be.

She stared up at the big blue box in the broken remains of Christmas, and pushed the door open, uncertain of what she would find. She stepped into the TARDIS, closing the door quietly behind her. Her eyes scanned the room. There was no sign of any life in the console room, but a line of the Doctor's clothes lay strewn across the floor. She followed the path as she came across his jacket, his waistcoat and his shirt, all leading out of the hub of the TARDIS.

As she neared the console, she saw a bowl, of what she could only describe as fish fingers laced with custard, propped up on one of the control panels. She looked around the TARDIS for any other odd knick knacks, but the trail of clothes picked at her curiosity once more. She followed the line further until it reached a staircase leading to the lower level, when she heard footsteps that weren't her own. The creaking of leather sounded around the console room. Each footstep drawing nearer and nearer to her. Clara turned to see the Doctor, her Doctor, come up the stairs and stop on the main platform. He was young. He looked fresh. Back to his old self. A smile of pure relief hung on his lips. Clara returned the biggest smile she could. He deserved it and more. Trenzalore had been his biggest trial.

'Doctor!' She exclaimed. She was so happy to see him. Especially now that he was back to being the Doctor she knew and loved. He was him again, not withered by age or the expectations of an entire community on his shoulders.

'Hello.' Her greeting was not met with the same enthusiasm. His tone was solemn, as if welcoming her to a funeral where he was the chief mourner.

'You're young again. You're okay.' She said, getting closer to him. She was trying to be light-hearted, even trying to make him laugh. 'You didn't even change your face.' She chipped in. All that talk they had just a few hours ago for Clara, but centuries ago for the Doctor, about aging and changing all came to mean so little when they both stood there, just relieved to see one another safe and sound. There had been so much at stake for the Doctor and he had won through, but not all appeared to be resolved as the Doctor looked down to his feet, searching for the right words.

'Ha.' He said rubbing his hands together. He could feel the regeneration energy as it began to warm the blood in his veins. He could feel it, like pins and needles, as the energy that was necessary to kick off his new life began to build. 'It's started. I can't stop it now. This is just the reset.' He looked down at himself, feeling like he had done all those centuries ago when this man first became the Doctor. He had discarded the clothes his decrepit body had lasted in for so long and put on a new set of his favourite clothes. He always felt like he should dress for the occasion and what would be better than a clean suit for a new face. 'Whole new regeneration cycle. Oh.' The Doctor spotted the bowl of fish custard out of the corner of his eye and drank out of it like they were the last drops of water he would ever get. He could hear Clara's laugh ring throughout the TARDIS. He'd never explained fish custard to her and so this probably appeared a little odd to her. But it didn't need explaining. It was just another quirk, another weird thing that only this man could be associated with. The new regeneration would probably like normal food and consort with beans and yoghurt. How boring!

The Doctor contemplated what his new self might be like, but soon found himself confronted with the idea that the man would no longer be him. All of what he had come to mean to others and to himself would be gone. It was all because of the new regeneration cycle that had been bestowed upon him by the Time Lords to save Trenzalore, and with it all of creation, from a never-ending war. He should have died. He should have fallen asleep for the last time, but here he was. Still standing with a whole new life cycle ahead of him. A new chance, which he hoped the new him would grab with both hands. Part of him just wanted to get on with it, but it seemed to be taking its time. It felt like the other part of him was holding him back, just for one last bow. 'Taking a bit longer. Just breaking it in.'

He walked around the TARDIS, following a path that he had wandered so many times before. He had careered around the console room, pulling levers and spinning out of control Oh, he had loved it when they span out of control. That was half the fun. That's what pushed him onwards. In theory he should have the most control in the universe. He had a Type 40 that could take him anywhere and anywhen, but in reality, he had very little say over where he went. He knew he was in safe hands though. She would always keep him company. Now and forever.

He felt something bodily pull him towards the console. Each muscle felt heavy as he strained with the effort to move. Regeneration could be a blessing, but it could also be a burden which made itself more apparent as the moment approached. He fell onto one side of the TARDIS and with all of his might, he set the TARDIS in motion for the last time. The ticking of the time rotor as it revolved in the heavens above them triggered the TARDIS into life. He felt the soft clunk as her temporal handbrake was released and the Doctor unleashed her raw power into the universe. He didn't know where she was taking them, but he knew it would be where he was needed.

'It all just disappears, doesn't it?' He stared at the console, taking in every switch and flashing light knowing what they all did, as Clara looked at him enquiringly. He was coming to terms with what was about to happen and hoped that what he felt needed to be said would comfort his companion. She knew about regeneration of course, but experiencing it would be something altogether different and new and scary. 'Everything you are…gone in a moment, like breath on a mirror.' He looked up at his impossible girl, whose eyes were so wide. She knew what he was doing and could do nothing but listen to him as he approached something that he had been ready for since first arriving on Trenzalore. 'Any moment now, he's a-coming.' He could feel the energy as it coursed around his body. The warming fluid of regeneration was beginning its journey to unwind every cell and then rebuild them in a new construction. It was starting.

'Who's coming?' This was it, wasn't it? He was really going to leave her with a new Doctor. The moment had been prepared for, but Clara didn't know if she was quite ready to give up on her Doctor yet. She could feel her eyes becoming heavy, but was determined to keep the tears in. She wanted to be strong for him, but sometimes the impossible girl did what was expected. She would be with her Doctor in his last moments and they could fall together.

'The Doctor.' His own voice was sprinkled with excitement. A new story would start and the adventure would begin anew.

'You. You _are _the Doctor.' The Doctor took in her words like they were air he breathed.

'Yep. And I always will be.' The pain spiked in his stomach, but he was just about able to keep standing. He could see, out of the corner of his eye, a bright orange light. There it was. The fire that had hidden underneath for so long was now making itself known. Seeing it would confirm to him that it was time. The light was bringing him to his rest. He lifted his hand to eye-level and watched as the light caressed his skin. It was so calming and smooth that he couldn't help but fall under its spell. The universe didn't need this mad man with a box anymore. It was time for another him to step into the fray. 'But times change and so must I.'

Then, as if from nowhere, an image leapt across his eyes like an old film. He didn't believe he'd seen it at first, but then the image stuck and became real. A small girl with her red woollen hat, white nighty, blue coat and red welly boots began to scale the stairs to the upper level of the console room. Every wall was plastered with the image that had lined the tower walls in Christmas. All memories, hand-drawn and set down in time as a reminder of what had been. The Doctor's face lit up as he realised who the girl was.

'Amelia?' He called out.

'Who's Amelia?' Clara couldn't see anybody. She could only watch as the Doctor's eyes tracked the ghostly memory. The Doctor's eyes filled with happiness as the little Scottish girl skipped around the TARDIS. Free to pass the time away however she pleased because she was no longer waiting for her life to begin. Her giggles bounced around the TARDIS and met the Doctor's ears like a crescendo. The sound of a child laughing. Such a sweet melody. The laughter trickled off into silence as the little girl too vanished back into the Doctor's memories.

'The first face this face saw.' He spun around and watched the little girl run. She would be forever running because the Doctor had set her free. Seeing Amelia reminded him of the good that could come from living a life like he did. There were always bad days, but he had helped to bring about so much good. So much had happened in his lifetime and he had changed so much since crash landing in that garden in Leadworth. He was not the same man he had been on that day. He had become the Doctor since that day. He had become the man whose name had torn down armies and had the power to bring back his own people. So much had changed. In that respect, the new life cycle and the new start he was about to get was just the same. It was just another chance to become the best that he could be. 'We all change. When you think about it, we're all…different people, all through our lives. And that's okay. That's good. You gotta keep moving. So long as you remember all the people that you used to be.' His acceptance had flourished and he felt at peace with what was going to happen. Everybody changes; some more than others, but at the end of time, those people all make up the individual. Every person has a hoard of themselves to look back on in their journey to become the best possible version of who they are. Remembering who we were allows us to see how far we have come and what we can be. 'I will not forget one line of this. Not one day. I swear. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.'

As the words left his mouth, he could feel another figure enter the room. The footsteps danced slowly down the staircase from the top level. He turned to see his Amy descend from the last step and came to stand by his side. 'Raggedy man…' Her eyes sparkled with tears as she saw him for the last time. Her smile was infectious and filled his hearts with her tears. She raised one arm to his cheek. Her touch was like electric, lighting the way for him. He raised his own hand and placed it on her cheek. She was well and looked happy. In his last moments, he was content that all he had done had been worthwhile. 'Good night.' As soon as she appeared, she was gone. Blown away on the time winds into his memories where she would always be safe.

The Doctor's hand lingered in the air for a moment. He was ready. It was time.

He reached for his bowtie and slowly undid the knot that had hung around his neck all these years. Like unsheathing a trusted weapon, he pulled the loosened fabric from under his collar and let it slowly drop to the floor. And as that last barrier fell, the Doctor could feel the tide coming in. He braced himself for the inevitable flood.

But Clara could stay silent no more. 'No, no…' She cried, throwing herself closer to the Doctor, but he stopped her and opened his eyes one last time.

'Hey,' he said trying to reassure her. He was safe and he accepted what was happening. It was all going to be alright.

'Please don't change…' Clara cried as the final force of the regeneration pushed the Doctor under. The energy pushed him backwards into bright white light, which dazzled Clara, and the raggedy Doctor was gone. A new figure snapped up in his place, like a light being turned off and on again, the Doctor flickered into his new life.

The new man stood where her Doctor had been. It was like she had blinked and the new man had just slipped into her Doctor's place.

He looked angry, but soon his demeanour fell into intrigue. His eyebrows rose as he watched Clara's reactions.

The Doctor watched Clara as her eyes widened. Why did she look so shocked? He started to edge closer towards her, trying to show concern amidst his intrigue. Her eyes were so wide as he moved slowly nearer. He got so close, their faces almost touching, there was something wrong with him. Something had thrown his impossible girl.

A sharp sting destroyed any chance of inquiry, when it caught him off guard and tried to send him crashing to the floor. He was able to catch himself as his new legs caught the strain. A good sign. Strong legs were good for running, but they were the least of his worries when his brain began to calculate the status of his new inventory.

'Kidneys! I've got new kidneys.' He could feel them, working away trying to digest the excess regeneration energy that laced the new blood. 'I don't like the colour.'

'Of your kidneys?' Clara asked. How can you know the colour of your kidneys? What were they? Beige? Tartan?

Just as the Doctor reacted to his new regeneration, the TARDIS too seemed affected by the change. Her stable course was brought to an end as the console room began to lurch and send both Clara and the new Doctor spinning around the main platform.

'We're probably crashing.' The Doctor shouted as he waved his arms to try and keep balance as he flew around the console.

'Into what?' Clara cried out as she clung to the railings for dear life.

'Stay calm.' He shouted over the roar of the TARDIS engines. He stared at the control panels only to see a mass of lights and switches which he could not associate to any memory. It was all a blur, and the rocking of the TARDIS was not making his job any easier. He tried to calm himself by following the hope that the lurching would subside in time, but the longer the shaking continued the more certain he became that he would have to try and rectify the situation. 'Just one question.' He said watching as the control panels swayed in front of his eyes. He really needed help with this one. 'Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?'

Clara's eyes betrayed their fate to him. This was going to be a bumpy ride.

-x-x-x-

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.

Structured around the script with a few of my own ramblings thrown in with artistic license.


End file.
